Whew....It's Friday.

It was hot today. I went to the Valley this morning to record a voice over audition. There wasn't a breeze whatsoever!! Mamma Mia ha fatto caldo!! I can't believe I used to live in that heat every summer when I lived in the Valley. Okay, I did spent a lot of those summers out of the country on tour. The temperature in the San Fernando Valley can be 10 degrees warmer than the Westside of Los Angeles. I can't imagine what it was like in Vegas today.

The memorial for "J" was very beautiful. I'm happy to have had a chance to say goodbye. I'm still confused as to exactly how she died and what state she was in before she left this earth. It's a answer I wanted very much to ask her boyfriend and two of her close friends who also happened to be my colleagues in the show we did together. Today wasn't the time or the place to ask but in time, I really want to know. The Self-Realization Center is a gorgeous place! I have to go back and walk the gardens since I didn't have time to do it today. I can see why those who spoke of this place to me say that it's worth spending time surrounded by all of the beautiful greenery and taking in the beautiful energy. It was a perfect place to pay a tribute to "J."

When someone dies, I often find myself thinking about my own mortality. As cliche' as it may sound, there's so much living I still have to do in this lifetime. La luna e` quasi piena. Che bella!!

Murky May

I thought we were supposed to have "June Gloom" in June not May. It was so gloomy and cold for about a week or so but today the sun was out blazing. It's supposed to get hotter. In the Valley it was still incredibly warm at 9:30.

What a funky month energetically. This month is already half-way over. I'm happy leave the strange energy behind.

I'm wearing so many hats lately. There are days when I can't wait to get in bed. I can barely finish reading the rest of this book "A Thousand Days In Venice" that one of my girlfriends gave me. I think it was "A" who moved to Roma. With all the chaotic energy that I'm feeling for the remodel on the house I am taking advantage of some moments I have to myself to breathe. Thank goodness for Monday night from 6-8. It's a bit of "Me Time." Time to forget about everything for two glorious hours. This class is making Mondays look really good now.

Tomorrow is the memorial for "J" at the Self-Realization Center. Interesting enough I have never ever been to the Self-Realization Center. I have wanted to take a moment and go so many times. So many people have told me to find some time and just "sit" at the Self-Realization Center. I'm finally going to step foot on this beautiful place that I've heard about for so long. Maybe there is some karmic twist here since I am trying to come to my own self-realizations lately.

Resta In Pace "J"

I got some disturbing news the other day that a friend died. We weren't close but there was this great comraderie that carried over after working together in a show. We first met at a workshop, saw each other again later at a class and then we ended up performing together. As we got to know each other through rehearsing our show, we discovered random things about each other. "J" and I had decided we were "sisters of fashion" because we had similar tastes in clothing and shoes. We shopped at some of the same boutiques around town but our paths had never crossed. As time past, we would just laugh when one of us would wear something and the other would say, "I have that in blue!" or "Did you get that at store "X or Y?"

"J" was one of my favorite people amongst a group of women where too much estrogen was very tough at times. "J" couldn't have been a more positive and she was the person one could count on to get something done. She was a gentle soul. I often thought she gave too much of herself to others; but perhaps she saw the good in them that I wasn't able to see. There were a number of times we had written to each other and said "we have to make a plan for lunch or tea." I lost touch with "J" for a while; however I knew she was working creatively with another friend from our "estrogen group." I was so happy to personally hear from her last month when she invited me to the Opening of her boyfriend's art gallery. I had a previous engagement and I couldn't make it to the Opening. Who knew that it would be the last contact I would ever have with "J" in this lifetime.

When I received the terrible news, I struggled processing the words that I read in this email. Selfishly, I was filled with great sadness and regret that not one of our lunches ever happened. Looking back, I took it for granted that there would be time to catch up. I had every intention of making that "tea date" now that we had connected once again. Too little too late.... The disturbing part is that no one really knows how "J" died. It was said by "E" that she "slipped" off a 10th floor balcony. How does one just "slip" from a 10th floor balcony? In this day and age balconies in apartments are built to prevent "accidental slips." It was also said that "J" had been depressed. I'm sure her family and close friends can't fathom that "J' was so troubled and no one close to her knew of the darkness she had inside of her. "J" didn't leave a note; therefore no one will ever really know what happened. I guess she didn't feel that she owed any explanations anymore to anyone for what she decided to do with her life. I ask myself, could anyone have made a difference??

What does one think about before they make that final decision to take their life?? In some religions, it's considered a sin to take your own life. Is it considered illegal in the USA?? I remember while living in Japan, I saw a man jump into the River and try to take his life. He didn't succeed; however he was treated like a criminal who had just robbed a bank versus someone who was deeply troubled. For those the individual leaves behind; they are left with so many unanswered questions. I keep wondering "WHY J?" It's a selfish act. "J" was anything but selfish. I could spin this a thousand times in my mind but in the end, it doesn't change the outcome of what we have to accept in time.... "J" is gone.

This tragic act was a wake-up call to remind myself to follow through with those intended "lunches or gatherings" with friends. No one knows how much time is left on this earth. Resta In Pace "J." Sono felice di averti conosciuta. Spero di rivederti un giorno.....